Saturday, November 01, 2003
WHAT TO DO ON HALLOWEEN? HOW ABOUT BURYING THE 49ERS!
That sound you heard last Sunday could have been one of two things. It could have been the axe being swung at Owen Pochman, or it could have been the last nail being driven into the 49ers coffin. I thought it all too appropriate to spend the day after Halloween performing the autopsy.
But the season isn't even half over, you say. Let's face facts. The 49ers are 0-3 in the division, having lost to the Seahawks, the Rams, and even the cellar dwelling Cards. They are now only a half game ahead of the Cardinals for the worst record in the division. Other than the Bucs this year and the Giants last year, the 49ers haven't beaten anyone of consequence in perhaps the last three years.
The 49ers could turn things around with a victory on Sunday against the Rams, but given their recent history that seems unlikely. Even with a win, they would still have win almost all their remaining games to have a shot at the playoffs. Two more losses and they finish 9-7, a borderline playoff team at best.
Now that we have assessed that the patient is dead, let's examine the decaying remains and find a cause of death:
1) Coaching
Was the playoff team last year just not as good as we thought, or is this team simply underachieving this year? We must start our autopsy with the brains. The 49ers underwent a brain transplant with the hiring of Dennis Erickson in the offseason, and with Steve Mariucci being labodimized. This team has most of the same body parts as last year, so one must say that coaching is the difference. This is not necessarily a knock on Erickson. It could be that Mariucci's coaching style could simply have lead to a massively overachieving team, or it could mean the team is underachieving under Erickson...or it could be both of those factors.
2) Kicking
We move our autopsy from the head to the foot. It looks as if there is a rather serious ailment here, call it a "kicking disease." This infection has lingered over many years. Each time a foot amputation and transplant has been undertaken, the disease appears to migrate. The latest victim of this ailment is Owen Pochman. The same kicker who kicked four field goals against Cleveland, looking like a hall-of-famer, could do nothing right after that game. The coup de gras came last Sunday with a botched extra point, missed field goal, and a final kickoff which sailed out-of-bounds.
The 49ers have had plenty of chances to keep a reliable kicker; Ryan Longwell of the Packers and Jeff Wilkins of the Rams both come to mind. Both of these men were in the 49ers system either during a season or in training camp, and for whatever reason, failed to make the cut. Wade Richey was another kicker let go do to monetary considerations.
3) Holder
There are also indications that a botched operation has left a foot where a hand should be. Extra points are also the responsibility of the person receiving the snap. Why is it that in recent years, the punter has become the holder on field goals? TAKE THE BACKUP QUARTERBACK AND PUT HIM IN THERE! At least he'll know what to do with the ball if the snap is botched.
4) Receiver
Continuing our autopsy, there are signs of a heart ailment. Terrell Owens accused the 49ers of lacking heart. Physician, heal thyself! Terrell Owens has short-armed passes, resulting in interceptions, he has slowed down on long balls that he should have caught in stride, and he has outright dropped potential touchdown passes. Don't expect him back in a 49ers uniform next year, especially at the price he'll be asking, even though the 49ers have nobody to replace him.
5) Quarterback
The patient had complained of arm weakness before, now it appears there are also some ankle problems. Jeff Garcia can be very good at what he does, but he has definite weaknesses. He needs to have a strong running game, and he needs to be allowed to improvise. Right now, he can't have either of those things. Tim Rattay is only a stop gap while Garcia heals. If the Niners want to through deep, Garcia won't be the man for long.
6) Offensive Line
There are many problems in the tendons and ligaments which should allow the patient to move forward. The five starting members of the offensive line have all played together at the same time for perhaps a grand total of five minutes. It makes it hard for the arm to flex and fling a deep pass with ruptured ligaments... and high ankle sprains.
7) Defense
I guess you'd have to call them the skeletal structure. It may have a few hairline fractures, but not enough to be terminal. They've done just about everything you could ask, but seem to have at least one lapse in every game that either allows the opposition back in the game or allows them to win it. Case in point - blowing a 12-0 lead to Cleveland in the fourth quarter. The offense needs to give them for help, however.
FINAL CAUSE OF DEATH: YET TO BE DETERMINED.
STAY TUNED!!!
Junior Bro 11:45:00 PM
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