Sunday, November 30, 2003
I HATE THE PATRIOTS TOO!!!
Junior Bro 2:29:00 PM
THE NAWFUL TURKEY AWARDS
What else to do on Thanksgiving weekend but name the NFL's worst.
THE LEON LETT/DWANE RUDD AWARD:
Phillip Buchanan of the Raiders in this years unanimous selection for his helmet removal against Kansas City after a big punt return. "Look at me! I just cost our team a win with a 15 yard penalty!"
THE DR. JECKELL/MR. HYDE or WE FORGOT TO PACK SOMETHING IN OUR SUITCASE AWARD:
This one goes to the 49ers, now 0-6 on the road. The team can seem dominating at home, but seem emotionally dead (especially on the offensive side of the ball).
THE MRP AWARD (MOST REGRESSED PLAYER):
Jeff Garcia. From Pro Bowl quarterback to a passing rating of less than 20 points in today's game.
THE MDT AWARD (MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM):
Right now, it may be a tie between the aged Oakland Raiders and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
THE MOST LIKELY PERSON TO INJURE A TEAMMATE IN PRACTICE:
You guessed it, Bill Romonowski. He's also involved in the designer steroid scandal, and has an injury which may force his retirement.
THE UGLIEST LOOKING UNIFORM CHANGE:
Miami Dolphins. Have you seen those bright orange jerseys they're wearing at home these days???
THE UGLIEST LOOKING TEAM AWARD:
It doesn't seem right that I can't give to the Bengals who are suddenly better. Joint winners for this award are the Vickless Falcons, the Jaguars, and the Chargers (a team that even a southern California arsonist couldn't light a fire under).
WORST PRESEASON PREDICTION AWARD:
Hands down, my pick of the Chargers as winners of the AFC West.
WORST DISPLAY OF IGNORANCE BY A PROGNOSTICATOR:
This goes to the Senior Bro, who didn't know the meaning of the red flag (a coach throws this to ask for a replay challenge).
WORST PROGNOSTICATING THIS YEAR:
Sorry Ben. You were so close last year, but this year you're way in the cellar. Here's hoping you narrow the gap before the season ends.
Junior Bro 2:05:00 PM
Thursday, November 27, 2003
The Cowboys are wearing their heritage uniforms today. And they are playing like they did in the late '90s. Miami just picked them off in the end zone. Sheesh.
And Green Bay beat itself this morning. I came yea-close to picking Detroit, but alas.
Sure glad I didn't have any splits riding on today's games.
Glenn 8-D 4:32:00 PM
Glenn 8-D 12:10:00 PM
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I HATE THE SEAHAWKS!!!!
Junior Bro 12:27:00 PM
Sunday, November 16, 2003
An easy week? Naaaah
Sean's remark in our weekly conference call this morning was that this seemed like an easy week for predictions, which worried him no end. I'm worried too, for the simple fact that I agree with him and yet we ended up with three splits. For the fifth time this season we are on a collision course for Monday night, with Sean taking the Niners at home and me counting on Pittsburgh to pull off what probably would be considered an upset. I also have the Raiders over visiting Minnesota. Any week in which you pick the Raiders to win and the Niners to lose invites disaster.
Glenn 8-D 10:31:00 AM
Had to make an adjustment to last week's results. It turns out that I incorrectly recorded Ben's Monday Night prediction. Instead of taking the Eagles, which would have given him a 9-5 mark for the week, he made the mistake of picking with his elders and losing with Green Bay. The oversight was mine, and Ben was quick to point it out. So we'll give him points for honesty at least.
Glenn 8-D 10:23:00 AM
Sunday, November 09, 2003
...Let's hope not, at least if you are a fan of the Senior Bro! In this up-and-down season that has seen no Bro with more than a 3-game advantage, we will be tied once again at the end of Week 10. That is exactly where we were at this point last year, and those who keep track of such things will recall that Sean went on to blow me out by 14 games down the stretch. Ouch!
How is 2003 not like 2002? Take a look at our overall performance through the first nine weeks: Last year the Bros. were tied with 74-56 records, having each won 11 splits; this year Sean had a 2-game lead at 85-45 with 22 splits, or 11 games better between the two seasons. In short, the Bros. are sizzling like a Bubby Brister pass through the back of the end zone (or something like that).
Ben, on the other hand, has had a tougher go of it. He was 80-50 after Week 9 last season, but just 64-66 this year -- a 16-game swing.
Still nine weeks to go, and at least one Bro is hoping it will be a tight race to the finish.
Glenn 8-D 3:04:00 PM
Was my autopsy of the 49ers premature? Like Frankenstein's monster, they seem to have been reanimated from dead tissue. I've got to give the 49ers some credit, simply because I've been bashing them so much. However... the 49ers still need to show that they're capable of this week in and week out. They also need to show they can win on the road, where they haven't won a game all season.
At least the 49ers are better off than the aged Raiders, who have already done through two quarterbacks and are left with 49er castaway Rick "Wallow in The" Mirer.
As for the Senior Bros comments about my 49er burial article, I don't neccesarily believe that Mariucci was the guy to take this team to the next level either. What Mariucci did have was emotion and enthusiasm. That is the kind of thing that can turn a mediocre team into a good team, but the Lions haven't even reached mediocre yet. Give the Lions a couple more years at least. What Mariucci lacked was simply the ability to call good plays on the offensive side of the ball. He was too conservative, which is only a good trait when you have a cruddy defense, a young team, and are simply attempting to avoid mistakes. It still remains a possibility that the Niners were simply overachieving with Mariucci at the helm.
Junior Bro 11:49:00 AM
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Site update delay
We'll have the Week 9 postmortem posted by Wednesday morning. I'm a little behind (so to speak) in my NawFuL duties this week. I vote that all Monday night games be banned until the Bros. can agree not to split on them!
Glenn 8-D 3:35:00 AM
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Early for a change
We got the "Weak" 9 picks posted early today, thanks to travel considerations for the Junior Bro. To echo Sean's comments of yesterday, this does look like a tough week. We racked up five splits, with Sean getting all the visitors while I have the homies. That is cold comfort when one considers that I'm counting on Arizona in one of those games, and we have our fourth Monday night split of the season (I've yet to win one). Maybe Denver will surprise me and mount a 28-point lead that doesn't get blown in the fourth quarter. >:-/
BTW... Sean, I loved your analysis of the Soon-To-Be-4-And-9ers' pathetic performance so far. I hate to say it, but the buck stops with Dennis Erickson. This is what you get when you hire a guy from that college football powerhouse of the Pacific Northwest, Oregon State. Yeah, it's easy to kick a guy when his team is down, but look at Dallas and what good coaching has done there. Everyone was writing off the Cowboys before the start of the season, yet they have been one of the bright spots of the NawFuL so far.
I don't think Steve Mariucci was the guy to take the team to the next level either, as he was still cruising on George Seifert's success. And to wit, look at how quickly he has turned the Lion cubs back into maneating beasts. (Not!)
Truth is, there a few great coaches out there and a whole bunch of mediocre ones. The Bill Parcellses, Dick Vermeils and John Grudens aren't easy to come by. If they were, you would have more teams like the Kansas City Chiefs and fewer like the San Diego Chargers... or the Detroit Lions... or the Chicago Bears... or the Cincinnati Bengals... or the -- oh heck, this is too easy. I'm going to bed now.
Glenn 8-D 1:58:00 AM
Saturday, November 01, 2003
WHAT TO DO ON HALLOWEEN? HOW ABOUT BURYING THE 49ERS!
That sound you heard last Sunday could have been one of two things. It could have been the axe being swung at Owen Pochman, or it could have been the last nail being driven into the 49ers coffin. I thought it all too appropriate to spend the day after Halloween performing the autopsy.
But the season isn't even half over, you say. Let's face facts. The 49ers are 0-3 in the division, having lost to the Seahawks, the Rams, and even the cellar dwelling Cards. They are now only a half game ahead of the Cardinals for the worst record in the division. Other than the Bucs this year and the Giants last year, the 49ers haven't beaten anyone of consequence in perhaps the last three years.
The 49ers could turn things around with a victory on Sunday against the Rams, but given their recent history that seems unlikely. Even with a win, they would still have win almost all their remaining games to have a shot at the playoffs. Two more losses and they finish 9-7, a borderline playoff team at best.
Now that we have assessed that the patient is dead, let's examine the decaying remains and find a cause of death:
Was the playoff team last year just not as good as we thought, or is this team simply underachieving this year? We must start our autopsy with the brains. The 49ers underwent a brain transplant with the hiring of Dennis Erickson in the offseason, and with Steve Mariucci being labodimized. This team has most of the same body parts as last year, so one must say that coaching is the difference. This is not necessarily a knock on Erickson. It could be that Mariucci's coaching style could simply have lead to a massively overachieving team, or it could mean the team is underachieving under Erickson...or it could be both of those factors.
We move our autopsy from the head to the foot. It looks as if there is a rather serious ailment here, call it a "kicking disease." This infection has lingered over many years. Each time a foot amputation and transplant has been undertaken, the disease appears to migrate. The latest victim of this ailment is Owen Pochman. The same kicker who kicked four field goals against Cleveland, looking like a hall-of-famer, could do nothing right after that game. The coup de gras came last Sunday with a botched extra point, missed field goal, and a final kickoff which sailed out-of-bounds.
The 49ers have had plenty of chances to keep a reliable kicker; Ryan Longwell of the Packers and Jeff Wilkins of the Rams both come to mind. Both of these men were in the 49ers system either during a season or in training camp, and for whatever reason, failed to make the cut. Wade Richey was another kicker let go do to monetary considerations.
There are also indications that a botched operation has left a foot where a hand should be. Extra points are also the responsibility of the person receiving the snap. Why is it that in recent years, the punter has become the holder on field goals? TAKE THE BACKUP QUARTERBACK AND PUT HIM IN THERE! At least he'll know what to do with the ball if the snap is botched.
Continuing our autopsy, there are signs of a heart ailment. Terrell Owens accused the 49ers of lacking heart. Physician, heal thyself! Terrell Owens has short-armed passes, resulting in interceptions, he has slowed down on long balls that he should have caught in stride, and he has outright dropped potential touchdown passes. Don't expect him back in a 49ers uniform next year, especially at the price he'll be asking, even though the 49ers have nobody to replace him.
The patient had complained of arm weakness before, now it appears there are also some ankle problems. Jeff Garcia can be very good at what he does, but he has definite weaknesses. He needs to have a strong running game, and he needs to be allowed to improvise. Right now, he can't have either of those things. Tim Rattay is only a stop gap while Garcia heals. If the Niners want to through deep, Garcia won't be the man for long.
6) Offensive Line
There are many problems in the tendons and ligaments which should allow the patient to move forward. The five starting members of the offensive line have all played together at the same time for perhaps a grand total of five minutes. It makes it hard for the arm to flex and fling a deep pass with ruptured ligaments... and high ankle sprains.
I guess you'd have to call them the skeletal structure. It may have a few hairline fractures, but not enough to be terminal. They've done just about everything you could ask, but seem to have at least one lapse in every game that either allows the opposition back in the game or allows them to win it. Case in point - blowing a 12-0 lead to Cleveland in the fourth quarter. The offense needs to give them for help, however.
FINAL CAUSE OF DEATH: YET TO BE DETERMINED.
Junior Bro 11:45:00 PM
DANGER, DANGER, DANGER!!!
Well, nearly three weeks have passed since a four game sweep at the hands of the Senior Bro. Despite pointing out all the statistics to prove he could run away with his three game lead, the Senior Bro finds himself one game back yet again, the victim of his own three game sweep.
What this season has shown is that things can change on a dime...or a nickel... or even a 3-4, and this week seems as uncertain as any. There are many ugly looking games on the schedule, and I think plenty of potential splits.
Junior Bro 10:51:00 PM